Write your own list

There are so very many silly prohibitions these days–what was once a joke is now banned by the humorless who think they have the right to tell you how to think. Well guess what? Funny is funny–and censorship is just that.  And with that in mind, here’s Auntie Jodi’s Helpful Hint #191:

Find that the p-c sanctioned list of banned products, people, ideas, and programs is growing by the proverbial leaps and bounds? Start your own list of banned items—and at the top of that list—the people who write those ridiculous lists. One must refuse to be around ignorant, humorless, controlling, and unimaginative people who want to box you in or out of being your fabulously unique self.

 

Self esteem for the self assured.

Auntie likes being around confident people–don’t you? Doesn’t it make you feel good to be around someone who feels good about himself? Recently, someone very dear to Auntie was questioning his own worthiness…and to this Auntie offers up Helpful Hint # 202:

If you should find yourself being under-appreciated by anyone, at any time, it is best to immediately cut ties to this useless oaf. Why on Earth would you ever spend a single second of your life among those who are not grateful to be in your presence…or anyone who is  unaware of your obvious charms? And please don’t tell Auntie it is a self-esteem issue.

Signal before turning.

One of Auntie’s seven life-essences is, “Tell me again why I have to play by your rules.” I understand nonconformity–but only to a point–especially when tooling around town with the top down. Don’t get me wrong–I am a most courteous driver–but there is a group of nasty drivers out there who not only cut you (or your chauffeur) off, or  text and drive 15 miles below the minimum speed limit, but when they are made aware of their shoddy and dangerous driving skills–they have the audacity to make the polite person the villain. This occurs in other situations too–the space hogs in dance class, line crashers at red carpet events, and the “I’m in a hurry” entitled ones at the local bodega. With those people in mind, here’s Helpful Hint #12:

Driver/Chauffeur have the day off? When swerving to avoid rear-ending the texting driver in front of you, always smile and wave when you drive alongside this texting maniac. As you pass, use discretion when determining the number of fingers to use as you wave.

yackety yack

It has come to Auntie’s attention that the art of conversation is, indeed, a lost art–at least for many an ego-centered soul. Being a good conversationalist has nothing to do with talking, but everything to do with listening…and caring about your chat-mates….and with that in mind, here’s Auntie Jodi’s Helpful Hint #205….dedicated to Vera/Saran…

Caught in conversation with a self-absorbed, self-involved, selfish chatterbox who is unaware that the idea of a conversation does not mean diatribe/monologue/soliloquy? Since she is so very rude, be exceptionally polite as you brazenly interrupt the blathering soul with a non sequitur such as, “I’m doing splendidly, thank you for asking.” Then shake the dear one’s hand as you smile, raise an eyebrow and commandeer the conversation your way. Fire with fire, darlings.